I should have killed myself in 2010 when I had the chance and when nobody gave a damn about me not now when it’s going to hurt so many fucking people I was so stupid for letting you all get close to me god damn it I’m so fucking stupid why did I let people care about me i knew since I was little I was going to die from suicide and I should have let myself
I joined the fucking Army because I wanted to be a fucking hero and I wanted to be remembered as a fucking hero I wanted to save the god damn world but I was too fat and not strong enough and I was weak and a coward and all I had to do was lose some weight but I couldn’t because I didn’t believe I could do it and I have never been able to do it and I just wanted to die a hero not some sad pathetic excuse of a piece of shit
It took me a really long time to make eye contact and to consider my life of value just as much as everyone else but it’s not I’m not I’m a pathetic fat piece of shit tranny failure and my own family doesn’t want me and NOTHING I do is good enough
They can’t be proud that I’m functioning even if I forget to call or forget to do the laundry or dont do it after Chad follows me around the house telling me what a pathetic failure I am because that’s what’s expected of me and that’s what I’m suppose to be doimg I told them all I got into EMU but I just applied and I lied because I’m suppose to but I was scared I wouldn’t get in and be another thing I failed at and I was scared that I wouldn’t be good enough again and really I don’t want to go I dont care at all about school I dont want to be an average adult with a degree anf a shit job I want to be a hero but I’m a coward
I took Riley to the movies and Chad freaked because he wasn’t listening when I said I was taking him to the movies and they called everyone to search and he was fine but I’m the Shit irresponsible bastard child
And I’m supposed to just fix things with my father but I cant live a life with a man who REFUSES to call me Ben and everyone says I am over-dramatic anf need to grow up but they all say “yeah but” and compare it with the things that are worse with their lives with him but let’s crucify a child who doesn’t want to see him and conveniently forget how he is a drunk who hits me and threw me into doors and shit but oh yeah, “I egged him on and I wanted it to happen” right?
I cant save the world I can’t fix everyone’s fucking stupid god damn problems and I can’t be a hero when you’re a fucking coward and I cant be their fucking daughter or sister but nobody realizes this is fucking killi killing me too god damn it
I dont want this life I dont want to be the fucking freak we dont mention at family reunions i JUST WANT TO BE THEIR FUCKING SON WHY DID THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN WHY DID MITCH HAVE TO GIVE UP AND WHY DID DAD HAVE TO FUCK TRISH IN MY BED AND WHY DID ALEX HAVE TO FUCK PAIGE IN MY BeD AND WHY DID CHELSEA HAVE TO GO AND WHY DID MY DAD HAVE TO DRINK A nF WHY DID AUSTIN HURT ME AND WHY WHY IS THIS FAIR WHY DID I DESERVE THIS I TRY so fucking hard to be a good person I tried god I tried

WHY COULDN’T I JUST BE BRAVE
I’m a coward I’m a fucking coward and god I hate myself I hate who I am I hate watching people I graduated with becoming doctors and getting married and traveling the world while I’m here trying to function enough to do my laundry god damn it why
I use to be one of the top people in school they said I had potential and promise and that I had a light in me where is the light why is it out
I just wanted to be a fucking hero that’s all why it’s not fair what did I do

What did I do wrong

I’m sorry this isn’t politically correct you can all hate me when I’m dead

Emergency

I’m in need of hopefully, short-term housing in the Michigan area, in either Washtenaw or Lodi counties that is transgender friendly.

Please help. Thank you.

rtrixie:

In the post you’re about to make, replace cis/white/hetero/male people with the Jews and if the result sounds like something that could be straight out of Mein Kampf, you should probably reconsider your social justice blogging habits.

(via ms-lizard-queen)

zeldac0re:

I hope I’m one of those kids that just magically becomes hot after they leave high school

(via light-smile-light-limb)

itachiself:

if you think trans men are inherently violent, trash, poisonous, you are transphobic. Same goes for cis men, you are sexist.

If you believe they perpetuate the now useless buzzword of “transmisogyny”, you are transphobic.

If you prioritize trans women over trans men (and the other way around), you are transphobic.

If you believe being male or masculine is inherently toxic, you are grossly sexist.

(via light-smile-light-limb)

At the fair.

asker

Anonymous asked: one time I was at work (a convenience store) this guy asked to use our bathroom. he started to head for it once I gave him the keys and he asked if he could have a magazine to read. but none of the regular magazines were good enough, he only wanted semi-pornographic ones. as fucked up as it seems, I gave them to him because he seemed old and feeble and I was really tired so fuck it, I guess. later it turns out the guy died while jerkin it from a heart attack. The worst part is I wasn't even supp

nosdrinker:

I think tumblr ate the second part of this message but this is so wild it doesn’t even matter